A mommy tale

I am willing to bet that there are days in every mother's life when the responsibility of motherhood becomes a heavy burden to bear. I have only been a mother for a little over 9wks and I've had those moments already.

Two nights ago was one of them.

It was late, I hadn't showered or eaten and my son was having a cling-y moment, refusing to be put down in his crib, his rocker, the bed, the floor or on the sofa. He wanted to be carried, he wanted to be rocked, he wanted mommy to dance with him around the room non-stop. In fact, he wouldn't even let mommy sit down. Because the moment she did, he would scrunch up his face and whimper. A tell-tale sign that crying was soon to follow.

Hungry, tired and at the edge of my patience, I put him down on his crib despite his protests. I made sure there was nothing nearby he could grab or could hurt him and then I did what no mommy wants to do, I left him. I went downstairs, prepared my dinner plate and I started to eat.

I ate to the sound of my son's escalating cries. From the baby monitor, I could see that he was safe. I knew he wasn't hungry (we had just finished nursing), he wasn't cold or too warm, and he hadn't soiled himself. But I could also see that he was unhappy being up there alone. To be honest, I wasn't happy downstairs either. But it was either be unhappy eating, or be driven mad with the crying.

My husband was out late that night and I ate while constantly looking at the driveway willing him to finally come home. I needed someone to either take baby and stop his crying, or at least tell me that I wasn't being a bad mommy for wanting 15mins of relative peace.

By the time I was done and took him again, he had tears in his eyes and sipon running down his nose. Sigh.

A few minutes of soothing, kisses, rocking and singing later he had fallen asleep, head against my chest, his favorite position with me. I like to think it's because he can listen to my heartbeat.

A few more minutes later, daddy comes home and takes him from me. Finally I could shower.

One day down. A lifetime ahead.

Hello, Stacey. Welcome to motherhood.