of faith and work

I haven't posted anything since early April. I started a post, but it's still in my drafts folder. It has been so long it has come to a point where I seriously wonder whether there's a point in even finishing the piece. I probably will. One of these days. But this piece isn't it.
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It's almost 8pm on a Sunday and it's dawning on me that the weekend is about to end. Time to mentally prepare myself to face the week ahead. Although the sentiment isn't new, the Monday-morning dread has definitely been a lot more pronounced lately. On more than one occassion, I have wondered if facing those Monday mornings are worth it at all.

I'm not even exactly sure what happened, or how it happened. Up until Holy Week everything seemed to be happily moving along. And then, for some reason, the time-space continuum collapsed and I suddenly began to wonder when 24hrs became too short for a day. Work took up a majority of my time and what little was left was split between church obligations, social obligations, and my personal life. For a moment, I had the distinct feeling that my personal life was getting the raw end of the deal.



where does the time go, does anyone know?

I felt out of balance. And I wasn't quite sure how I was going to regain it.



That's where God came in.

In the worse trial of this season I came face-to-face with desperation. I had painted myself into a corner and could not find a way out. And in God's ultimate sense of humor, the risk of failure was happening on the weekend when we were holding the Singles Encounter Weekend and where I was assigned to do Sunday morning worship.

Can you imagine how hard it is to pray when all you can think about is s**t hitting the fan?

In my room that Friday night, I said a lot of "please" in my prayer. But it was only when I stopped saying please and instead started saying, "Your will be done" that I felt my heart start to calm down. Beyond the solution, I asked the Lord that if I were really to fail, then may He be with me in my failing. There was comfort in knowing that no matter what the outcome He had a plan for me.

2 days after SE Weekend and 5 days before the deadline, God revealed His plan. In the most unexpected way, He opened the window I needed. And one by one, hurdles started to fall. I didn't fail. But that's only because God didn't fail me.

Who said miracles no longer happen?

 

a bright spot in the middle of the rain

Two weeks since, God continues to be in the business of handing me miracles. Which is not to say that the trials have ended. If anything, I am acutely aware of the work that lies over the horizon. At odd moments of the day I stare at that horizon with a feeling of dread. During one of those times, this is was the gospel for that day:

"Amen, amen, I say to you, you will weep and mourn, while the world rejoices; you will grieve, but your grief will become joy. So you also are now in anguish. But I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy away from you." Jn 16: 20; 22

I admit that after reading that my first thought was, "Sabi mo yan ha, Lord. Sisingilin Kita." hahahaha...

If you're wondering if I've managed to regain my balance I'll have to honestly say not quite. But one thing is for certain. I've regained the strength of my faith.

Happy Monday!


Disclaimer: I understand full well that in blogging I give up a certain sense of my privacy. My picture and name is plastered in a public forum for the world to see and my thoughts are no longer just mine to think. Like all things on the net, these pictures and thoughts can travel and where they go is beyond my control. What is in my control is what I say. So, from time to time, this time being one of them, I self-edit and refrain from giving too much detail. Which, if you ask SE3, isn't really all that hard for me. ;) If you'd like to know the full story (in detail), ask me directly. hahaha...